funny

Always Look on the Bright Side of Life ( Monty Python )

[] Some things in life are bad they can really make you mad other things just make you swear and curse when you're chewing on large gristle don't grumble - give a whistle and whistles help things turn out for the best And always look …

Baby ( Stephen Lynch )

[] My lady gives birth today I run to her room right away She smiles with glee, then hands her to me I look at my newborn and say Damn thats an ugly baby Damn thats an ugly ass baby I'm feeling quite concerned, my …

Bad Touch ( Bloodhound gang )

[] [] Sweat baby sweat baby sex is a Texas drought Me and you do the kind of stuff that only Prince would sing about So put your hands down my pants and I'll bet you'll feel nuts Yes I'm Siskel, yes I'm Ebert and …

Biff's Question Song ( Tom Wilson )

[] When I'm flying in a plane, or I'm on the street there's a lot of friendly people that I like to meet. They shake my hand but never ask me my name, and they start asking questions that are always the same, hey... Hey! …

Cocktails For Two ( Spike Jones, City Slickers )

In some secluded rendezvous That overlooks the avenue With someone sharing a delightful chat Of this and that and cocktails for two. As we enjoy a cigarette To some exquisite chansonette Two hands are sure to slyly meet beneath A sur-vi-ette with cocktails for two. …

Common Man ( John Conlee )

As the maid poured wine and we began to dine I knew I was feeling out of place At a table as large as a river barge And I love you written all on your face I appreciate your hospitality But I wish that we …

Fuck her gently ( Tenacious D )

You don't always have to fuck her hard, In Fact sometimes that's not right ... to do. Sometimes you gotta make some love And fuckin give her some smooches too Sometimes you got to squeeze Sometimes you got to say please Sometimes you got to …

Gilly Gilly Ossenfeffer Katzenellenbogen by the Sea ( Max Bygraves, The Four Lads )

[] There’s a tiny house (There's a tiny house) By a tiny stream (By a tiny stream) Where a lovely lass (Where a lovely lass) Had a lovely dream (Had a lovely dream) And her dream came true (And her dream came true) Quite unexpectedly …

Grow old with you ( Adam Sandler )

I wanna make you smile Whenever you're sad Carry you around When your arthritis is bad All I wanna do is Grow old with you. I'll get you medicine When your tummy aches Build you a fire When the furnace breaks It could be so …

Halloween ( Stephen Lynch )

Thinking of all the cool creatures That I will meet, tonight Ghosts and Goblins and Witches Roaming the streets, in moonlight Bowls of candy and goodies Delicious and waiting in store Sounds of cute little footsteps As they approach my front door Letting the childeren …

Hit me baby one more time ( Britney Spears, Blink-182, ... )

[] Oh baby, baby, Oh baby, baby, Oh baby, baby how was I supposed to know That something wasn't right here Oh baby, baby I shouldn't have let you go And now you're out of sight, yeah Show me how want it to be Tell …

I Like Chinese ( Monty Python )

I like Chinese, I like Chinese, They only come up to your knees, Yet they're always friendly, and they're ready to please. I like Chinese, I like Chinese, There's nine hundred million of them in the world today, You'd better learn to like them, that's …

I Love You Honey ( Patsy Cline )

( for original key of A ) Down in Dallas near the Palace I met a boy who was so cute I loved his hugging I loved his kissing As we sat in his little red coupe He said tell me confidentially How much do …

Its Finally Friday ( George Jones )

I got a hundred dollars smoking in my billfold I know I oughta save it but it's burning a hole Right through my pocket and into my skin Come Monday morning I'll be broke again It's finally Friday I'm free again I got my motor …

Kielbasa ( Tenacious D )

I love ya baby, but all I can think about is... Kielbasa sausage, Your butt cheeks is warm. I check my dipstick, you need lubrication honey My Kielbasa sausage has just got to perform, now get it on! I see you walking, but all i …

Long haired lover from Liverpool ( Little Jimmy Osmond )

I’ll be your long haired lover from Liverpool and I’ll do anything you say, I’ll be your clown or your puppet or your April fool, if you’ll be my sunshine Daisy from L.A. I’ll be your leprechaun and sit upon an old toad stool, I’ll …

My Humps ( Alanis Morissette, The Black Eyed Peas )

I drive these brothers crazy, I do it on the daily, They treat me really nicely, They buy me all these ices. Dolce & Gabbana, Fendi and NaDonna Karan, they be sharin' All their money got me wearin' fly My love my love my love …

Poisoning Pigeons In The Park ( Tom Lehrer )

Spring is here, a-suh-puh-ring is here. Life is skittles and life is beer. I think the loveliest time of the year is the spring. (I do) Dont you? Course you do. But theres one thing that makes spring complete for me, And makes every Sunday …

Salute To A Switchblade ( Tom T. Hall )

Me and Yates an army buddy of mine Were doing three years in Germany at the time We came upon these Frauleins in the bar Yates said darf isch zee be-gleit-en they said ya And darf isch zee be-gleit-en means can we sit with you …

Scotty Doesn't Know ( Lustra )

[] Scotty doesn't know, That Fiona and me, Do it in my van every Sunday. She tells him she's in church, But she doesn't go, Still she's on her knees, and... Scotty doesn't know, oh. Scotty doesn't know-oh. So don't tell Scotty! Scotty doesn't know, …

Show Them To Me ( Rodney Carrington )

Well it seems to me that this whole worlds gone crazy There's too much hate and killin going on But when I see the bare chest of a woman My worries and my problems are all gone No one thinks of fighting, when they see …

Superhero ( Stephen Lynch )

If I could be a superhero I would be awesome man I'd fly around the world fighting crime According to my awesome plan And if I saw criminals trying to lie Hurting other people and making them cry I'd haul them off to jail in …

Take Off Your Clothes ( Peter Sarstedt )

Take off your clothes let me see what it is that you're hiding And don't look so shocked you have nothing to fear from my eyes My daddy was a priest you know And I am not a beast you know I just want to …

The Sick Note ( The Dubliners )

Dear sir I write this note to you to inform you of me plight, And at the time of writing, I am not a pretty sight. Me body is all black and blue, me face a deathly gray. And I write this note to tell …

Tribute ( Tenacious D )

[] This is the greatest and best song in the world...Tribute. Long time ago me and my brother Kyle here, We was hitchhikin' down a long and lonesome road. All of a sudden, there shined a shiny demon... In the middle of the road. And …

Trouble ( Chris Rene )

Trouble, trouble Uh-oh, uh-oh She knows just the way to walk on by That makes my heart stop I don't know the way to say goodnight Cause she don't want me, To go nowhere without her there, She's everywhere, I don't need trouble, just some …

Your New Boyfriend ( Wilbur Soot )

[] Life isn't quite what I thought I'd be When I was a kid on VOIP I thought when I get older I'd marry her, I told her Now I'm 26 and I work in an office 9 til 5's not the best, I'll be …